


Enough to Admit

by notevenyou



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bars and Pubs, Injury, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 11:32:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11230056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notevenyou/pseuds/notevenyou
Summary: Aaron and Alexander become bar trivia rivals, but can they both win?





	Enough to Admit

Although Aaron had worked hard to get where he was, his job at the law firm wasn’t particularly interesting. It was the kind of place where it took years of thankless labor to earn the right to do any of the work he had dreamed about in law school. But, it paid well enough, and the dream dangled in front of all of them. The dream of someday getting to a higher level, of finally reaching their goals. Theodosia sometimes suggested Aaron find a new job, but Aaron was good at what he did, even if it didn’t challenge him, and he could see the path forward, even if it was long and dull. 

Aaron’s personal life wasn’t particularly interesting either. Ever since he’d broken up with Theo he’d failed to make it past four dates with anyone else. Part of it was that his job took up a lot of time, but part of it was just Aaron failing to connect with people on a deeper level. He’d always had trouble moving past his initial charm to anything serious, which is probably why Theo and Jon remained his only two notable relationships. 

It wasn’t just romance, Aaron had always had trouble clicking with people in a long term way. Although he was the kind of person who knew everyone at work from the executives down to the cleaning staff, and could exchange superficial niceties with all of them, he never seemed to form deeper relationships. And so, when he’d broken up with Jon and then later with Theo, he’d done everything he could to make sure they still remained friends. Maybe someone else might find it strange that his exes were still his closest friends, but even if the romance hadn’t worked out that was no reason to leave behind the only people who seemed to understand him, people he liked to be around. 

Jon and Theo both had busy schedules, each easily having a more active social life than Aaron, but they all still met once a week, spending every Sunday night at a little divey bar. It wasn’t that far from where Jon and Aaron had lived in college, and they returned even now, even when Jon lived clear on the other side of town, and Aaron and Theo not that much closer. 

The three of them met there every week for bar trivia, their own small tradition. It was something that Aaron and Jon had started attending in their senior year of college, and, even when they’d finally admitted the passion was gone from their relationship, they’d still gone every Sunday, awkward at first, but gradually sliding back into the comfortable friendship they’d had since freshman year. 

Other people drifted in and out, mostly people that knew Jon, but Aaron and Jon were the only regulars until Aaron started dating Theodosia in law school. She was the perfect addition to the team, enjoying it as much as the two of them, and bringing a science background to the table, shoring them up where they’d been weak. 

And when that relationship fell apart too, when Theodosia got fed up with how much Aaron worked and how he never seemed to fit in with her family, when she later found a man who wanted to have kids and who loved her mom, trivia nights held firm. Her husband came sometimes, but mostly these days it was just the three of them, Jon always threatening to put the team’s name down as ‘Aaron and the exes.’ 

Despite the awkward origins of the team, they have fun every week and their team is pretty successful, winning more often than not. They’d had a rival team for a couple of years, a bunch of British grad students, but eventually all of them graduated and went back to England, leaving Aaron, Jon and Theo without strong competition. The winning teams gets vouchers for drinks, and it’s been awhile since they’d had a night where their drinks were not paid, at least in part, by past wins. 

They’ve tried other trivia games around town, but in the end they always return to this one despite the inconvenient location, drawn back by old memories and the familiar structure of the game. 

As long as they’ve been attending it’s been run by the same man, Thomas. No one is quite sure what Thomas does for a real living, Aaron suspects he’s an actor because he loves the sound of his own voice. Despite this, he’s the best trivia host they’ve found, coming up with his own questions instead of using a service like some bars do, and generally fair when there are disputes. He knows all the regulars and tries to keep things balanced so the topics don’t favor the strengths of any one team too much.

Aaron, Jon and Theo are regulars, of course, and Thomas swings by to greet them at some point every week. In the years they've been attending they’ve become familiar not just with Thomas, but with the other regular teams, as well as the local barflies who don’t play but are still in a dive bar on a Sunday evening. 

There’s the lady who always orders a grilled cheese and nods when each answer is read as if she obviously already knew that. There’s the middle-aged husband and wife that come most weeks, just the two of them, but pretty good. There’s a constantly shifting set of teams from the University, there for a year, maybe two and then gone as they graduate and move on. There’s the longer lasting team whose main accomplishment is coming up every week with a different topical dick joke for their team name. They never win, but they have the distinct accomplishment of being the loudest team there. 

All in all, Aaron knows pretty much everyone and everyone knows him. So one Sunday when he gets in early, coming straight from putting in a few hours at the office and in need of some trivia and beer, and someone says, “Come here often?” Aaron can be forgiven for thinking that he’s being teased. He turns with a smile, expecting one of the regulars or maybe Thomas, but instead there’s a stranger who seems slightly thrown by the success of his terrible pick-up line. 

Aaron’s smile fades as he tries to figure this guy out. He’s handsome enough, but he doesn’t really look like someone actually out to pick up, wearing a soft worn sweater over a t-shirt with frayed collar. He has thick glasses with dark frames, his long hair is pulled up, sloppy and casual and he hasn’t shaved, leaving serious stubble around what might otherwise be a fussy facial hair arrangement. None of this implies he’s somehow come to a dive bar on a Sunday evening to hook up. 

Aaron finally says, “Often enough,” curious to see what this guy will do. 

Just then the bartender, James, comes by, “Hey, Aaron.” He hands Aaron a drink, there’s no need for him to ask what Aaron wants at this point. 

“Thanks James,” Aaron says.

James nods and heads off to serve a group that’s just stumbled up to the bar, without asking for a card or money. He knows that Aaron, Theo or Jon will settle up at the end of the night, relying on their own complex arrangement about who has to pay each week. 

The stranger raises an eyebrow. 

“Fairly often,” Aaron amends. 

The stranger smiles, a bright smile that creates distracting lines at the corners of his eyes, “I see that.” He offers a hand, strangely formal here against the ever sticky bar, “Alexander.” 

Aaron cautiously shakes back, trying not to notice the firm grip, the dry palm, or the long fingers, and says somewhat pointlessly, “Aaron.” 

Alexander lets go and makes a show of studying Aaron, “So, Aaron, what brings you here often?” 

Aaron gestures around the dimly lit room, decorated haphazardly with black velvet paintings and posters for events from a decade ago, “Isn’t it obvious?” 

Alexander looks around, “Um, the ambiance?” 

“The ambiance,” Aaron says firmly, as if the lighting was dim enough to hide the strange stains on the carpet, or the way none of the stools quite match except for the way at least half of them have splits in the covering, revealing the white padding inside. 

“Of course,” Alexander agrees, “Makes sense.” 

Aaron lets one corner of his mouth turn up slightly, “Glad we agree. What brings you here?” 

Alexander says solemnly, “I heard about the ambiance and I had to see for myself.” 

Aaron’s smile takes over both sides of his mouth, “Oh, well, let me show you the best parts then.” 

Alexander smiles back, “I would be honored.” 

Aaron points out all the highlights, the crack in the mirror behind the bar where the last bartender had gotten too enthusiastic after watching one too many youtube videos about fancy cocktails, the small fireplace that had never held a real fire, but for the last year had just hosted a nest of Christmas lights, the one pool table, wedged inconveniently in the midst of seating so that nearly every shot involved negotiating with a bystander for space. 

Alexander nodded seriously at each, asking questions about the flickering neon signs advertising a mixture of products, some served by the bar and some not. 

Aaron loses track of time, back against the bar, leaning towards Alexander to talk over the growing noise of the crowd as people start to gather for trivia. It’s a bit of a shock when a group of guys roll in and head straight for Alexander. It’s the dick joke team, and they greet Alexander with an easy familiarity that makes it clear that they’re all friends. Two of them wander over to stake out their usual table, and the improbably named Hercules lingers, “So I see you met Aaron.”

Aaron knows all of them vaguely of course, but he is a little surprised that Hercules knows his name. Alexander looks a little surprised too, “Sure, he was just showing me around.”

Hercules just rolls his eyes, clearly correctly interpreting that, “I see. Well, maybe we’ll talk to Aaron later, but I think his team is just arriving.” He gestures toward the door where Jon is looking around. Jon spies Aaron and waves with his usual fond smile. 

Aaron smiles back warmly and gathers his drink, looking back to Alexander, “You’re staying for trivia?” Aaron asks. 

Alexander shakes off an unreadable but vaguely unhappy expression, “Yep. You’d better watch out.”

Aaron smiles back, not really believing the boast given the team Alexander's with, but it doesn’t hurt to hope for a little excitement, “You too.” 

Hercules just rolls his eyes again, and then pulls Alexander away. As Aaron starts for his own table he just barely hears, “Didn’t we say not to flirt with the competition?” 

Aaron struggles to keep a straight face, but can’t help a little surge of smug pride at the idea that other teams recognize his team as the one to beat. 

Jon launches straight into a long story about the terrible date he’d had yesterday and then Theo shows up and he starts over. It’s a pretty funny story, and Jon is a wonderful storyteller, making them both laugh. By the time he’s finished, the first round of the game is starting. 

It isn’t until after scores for the first round are announced and the dick joke team is tied with Aaron’s team that Aaron thinks to mention his run-in with Alexander. Jon is more interested in the flirtation, turning to assess Alexander, and Theo is more focused on if he’ll be competition, worrying over the scores. 

The rest of the night, the other team is just as loud as usual, but they seem to be getting more correct answers, and, if the high fives he’s receiving are any indication, this is mostly due to Alexander’s contribution. 

At the end, when the final scores are tallied, Aaron’s team still wins, but it’s uncomfortably close. Aaron, Theo and Jon wait to collect their winnings, Jon slumped against Aaron’s shoulder complaining as always about the late hour and how tired he’ll be in the morning. Aaron sarcastically pats his shoulder, the exchange well-worn at this point.

Unexpectedly, Alexander comes over to congratulate them, trailed by the rest of his team. Jon hastily removes himself from Aaron’s side to offer Aaron the full range of flirtation possibility. Teams don’t usually bother to offer congratulations unless they literally run into each other on the way out of the bar, but Alexander gives them all another strangely formal handshake. 

Aaron smiles brightly at him, but his earlier easy smile seems to have fled, and Aaron supposes he must be competitive. Aaron feels a twinge of regret, although not enough of one to wish he’d lost. 

It’s possible Aaron can be a bit competitive himself. 

After the other team leaves and Theo finally manages to procure their winnings, the three of them drift off in their three different directions, getting ready to face another week of work.

#

Aaron thinks about Alexander once or twice over the following week. Buried under a mountain of work, Aaron wonders idly if Alexander will come back next week, thinking mixed thoughts about both the challenge Alexander brought to the game, and the fine lines around his eyes when he smiled. 

Even though Aaron had wondered, it’s still a surprise on Sunday when Alexander is there. Alexander looks determined this week and it only fuels Aaron and Theo to be equally determined, Jon as easy going as always. 

They manage to fight Alexander’s team off, but it’s too close for much gloating. 

The pattern repeats the next week, except...the other team doesn’t use a dick joke in their name. That’s when Aaron knows they are all taking this seriously.

The week after that, still with their new non-dick joke name, they finally manage to edge out Aaron’s team, and Aaron congratulates them, even as he and Theo muse afterward about one of them trying to learn some football trivia. They ultimately decide that no win is worth that sort of sacrifice, but they considered it. Jon just rolls his eyes, disgruntled at having to pay for drinks on a week when they haven’t won a voucher. 

After that, Aaron almost forgets the easy flirtation of his first meeting with Alexander, lost in the push and pull of their new rivalry. They have their teams, but somehow when Aaron manages to pull off a win it feels like it’s him against Alexander, and a loss feels just as personal. 

Eventually even the other regulars, the other teams and the drinkers who just like to observe, seem to take sides, although the most popular side of all is, of course, third party upset, just for the novelty if nothing else. 

Thomas doesn’t take sides, although he does seem to try to write questions that hit both of their weak points equally, opening it up for the third party win on a few occasions, although less often than Aaron guesses he might like. Eventually Thomas just incorporates the whole rivalry into his prattle, daring new teams to try to unseat the perpetual champs like some sort of gladiator movie. 

#

Overall, Aaron likes having a competitive game every week. If he’s a little sad that this apparently means the loss of Alexander’s sly smiles, well that’s just the way it is. Aaron has more luck maintaining a long-term relationship with this bar than with any one person, so it’s probably the right trade-off. 

Alexander seems just as devoted, showing up every week without fail until one warm day in July when he’s not there. No one on his team seems to expect him, no looking toward the door or last minute texts, so Aaron has to assume they knew he wasn’t going to be there and that nothing’s wrong. A conference, visiting family, a date, a hangover, a late night at work, the flu, bored of the whole thing, moved away - Aaron comes up with a list in-between rounds. 

At first he speculates out loud to Jon and Theo, but they start to look knowing and Aaron doesn’t want to think about Theo’s smirk, so he keeps his speculation inside. 

It’s not that he’s worried, it’s just that there’s no challenge. Their team easily coasts to a win, and it’s disappointing after weeks of exciting competition. Aaron likes winning of course, but it’s better if it takes effort. 

It’s possible that over the week he worries over it, hoping that Alexander was only gone for the weekend, but he keeps his thoughts to himself, not wanting to risk hearing any of the ideas that lie behind Theo’s smirk and Jon’s sympathetic look. 

If Aaron arrives a little early that Sunday, it’s not that he’s checking up on Alexander, it’s just that traffic happened to be sparse. 

Aaron feels a brief lightheaded rush of relief when he sees that Alexander is already there, before the rest of his team, at their usual table. It quickly gets replaced by a new wave of worry when he sees that one of Alexander’s arms is strapped to his chest in a sling. Aaron detours from the bar to head over there, “Alexander! What happened?” 

Alexander turns with a tired smile, and Aaron sees that it’s not just the arm, there’s some fading bruising along that side of his face. There’s a split on his lower lip, scabbed over and nearly healed, and who knows what hides under his t-shirt.

Alexander says, “Hey, Aaron. It’s nothing.”

Aaron shakes his head, it’s true that Alexander is smiling and he made it here, but nothing? Almost involuntarily one of Aaron’s hands reaches for Alexander as if he might trace one of the bruises, he catches himself and turns it into a pointing gesture, “Nothing?” 

Alexander shrugs, the hint of a smile still on his face, “Car accident.” 

Aaron loses track of everything except his own wildly beating heart for a moment. After his parents had died in a car crash when he was eight, he’d had an intense fear of cars, much to the annoyance of the aunt and uncle that had taken him in. It had taken almost two years before Aaron had managed to squash that fear down enough to exist normally in a world filled with cars. He’d done it though, even getting his own license at the same time as his peers, owning a car, and for the most part he doesn’t think about it anymore, except when he sees a crash, or when people unthinkingly report a fender bender. Once in law school his favorite professor had totaled her car, although she was mostly unscathed herself, her detailed rendition of the story for the class had led to Aaron skipping one of her lectures for the first and last time. 

Aaron manages to pull himself back, Alexander snapping back into focus. Alexander’s smile is gone, face now concerned as the silence drags on for a second too long, and he’s opening his mouth to say something, when Aaron forces himself to say, “You’re okay though?”

“Yeah,” Alexander says, still watching Aaron a little too closely, “Just annoying until I get out of the cast. Hard to maintain my hair routine,” He smiles ruefully, and Aaron notices for the first time that Alexander’s hair is loose instead of tied up in the sloppy knot he’s always worn before. It’s probably difficult to tie it back with only one hand.

“Oh,” Aaron says belatedly, trying not to think about touching the dark fall of it. “You weren’t here last week,” he says, trying to move on, but probably only revealing too much again. 

Alexander sighs, “Yeah, they wanted to keep me overnight to make sure I hadn’t scrambled my brains. He grimaces at the memory, “Brains unscrambled though, so I plan on beating you tonight.”

Aaron smirks, feeling like he’s suddenly back on solid ground, “You can try.” 

Alexander smirks back and for a second Aaron can ignore the bruises on his face, and how bad that crash must have been to leave them, to break his arm. 

Alexander’s team rolls in, all their usual loudness turned solicitous, congratulating Alexander on making it and admiring his bruises. 

Aaron slips away to the bar and then to his table, Jon and Theo arrive soon after. Theo’s brought her husband this week, and conversation turns around the trip they’re planning for August, only briefly touching on Alexander’s reappearance, but after, when Alexander has managed to lead his team to a tight win, Aaron stops back at the table where they’re waiting for their winnings, “I see you’ve proved yourself unscrambled.”

Alexander smiles, looking happy but tired, “No mere accident can take me down.” 

Aaron is suddenly struck by a thought, “Did you drive here?” 

Alexander shakes his head, “Cab.” 

Aaron hesitates, “Uh, do you need a ride home?” 

Alexander’s eyes widen, and Aaron suddenly wonders if it’s creepy to offer a random guy from the bar a ride home? He’s not sure, they aren’t really strangers, but Alexander just says, “Oh thank you, but I think John is going to take me,” he gestures to the quietest guy on the team who is deep in conversation with Hercules. 

“Oh, okay. Great,” Aaron says awkwardly. He sort of wants to offer more help, but it’s awkward enough, and Alexander clearly has friends, so he just waves and says, “See you next week.” 

Alexander nods and that’s it. 

Or sort of, because the next week Aaron can’t help stopping by to check on how Alexander is doing, curious enough to brave the interested stares he gets from the rest of Alexander’s team. 

And then it sort of becomes part of the routine, whichever of them arrives second will drop by the other’s table and chat briefly. Inconsequential stuff, Aaron congratulating Alexander on getting his cast off, comments on the news, vague complaints about work, but it all becomes a part of what Aaron likes about these Sundays, something more to look forward to. Sometimes they get lost in conversation, Aaron losing track of time until Jon comes and drags him back to the table for the first round of questions. 

Even without Theo’s exasperated looks and Jon’s knowing smiles, Aaron would be perfectly aware that he has a crush, thank you very much. But despite their recommendations it’s useless to think of asking Alexander out when he’s so obviously not interested anymore. 

Aaron does wonder sometimes about that first time he met Alexander. It had seemed so obvious that he was interested in Aaron, had Aaron had imagined that clear spark? Or had it evaporated for some reason? And if it had evaporated, why? Was Alexander really that competitive? Or maybe someone on the team had said something about Aaron that had changed his mind. Or maybe he only did one night stands and the idea of seeing Aaron every week after was uncomfortable. 

Whatever it was, it’s not worth the embarrassment of rejection, not when instead Aaron could have a perfectly nice weekly conversation and some friendly competition. 

#

Things remain pretty status quo until the week of Thanksgiving. It’s seemed like a long week to Aaron even though he gets Thursday and Friday off. Holidays in general have been hard since his parents died, but Thanksgiving is a particularly tricky one, there’s not much to it if you don’t have people to eat with. 

In the past he’d gone to Jon’s house, but after they split up, half of Jon’s cousins thought they should get back together, and the other half considered Aaron an evil heart-breaker. Anyway, this year Jon is going to be in the Midwest, meeting the new boyfriend’s family, and Aaron has no desire to go to Jon’s parent’s house without him, even taking into account the sweet invitation Jon’s mother had sent. 

Theo is off in California at the in-laws this year, and Aaron has turned down the two half-hearted invites he received from co-workers, not interested in spending time with a near stranger’s racist or homophobic relatives. His own family is, of course, not even in the running, so Aaron spends the day with Netflix and an eclectic selection of all his favorite foods. 

That wasn’t really so bad, but between the dead feeling of the half-empty office on Wednesday, the way the world shut down on Thursday, and trying to hide out from the shoppers on Friday, Aaron feels pretty tired of his own apartment and his own company by the weekend. 

Jon and Theo are still in transit on Sunday, but after a Saturday struggling to find something to do, Aaron isn’t going to give up on trivia even if he’ll be the only person on his team. There will be other people he knows there, at the very least Thomas will be there, and maybe, with everyone else still flying or gone, Aaron will have a chance to win even with two-thirds of his team missing. 

He knows he’s made the right choice when he arrives and sees familiar faces, Thomas of course, but other people too, and maybe most comfortingly, Alexander. 

Alexander brightens when he sees Aaron, “I didn’t know if you’d be here, the rest of my team is off doing family stuff,” he gestures dismissively. 

Aaron smiles ruefully, “Mine too.”

Alexander studies him, and asks softly, “But not you?”

Aaron feels his face go blank, “My parents died when I was young,” a rote confession that always stings a bit. “Car crash,” he adds in case there’s follow-up.

He’s braced for sympathy, but Alexander looks almost...happy, “Mine too,” he says, and the expression suddenly makes sense, kinship of a sort, because Aaron feels it too. “Well,” Alexander continues, “I never knew my father, but my mother did.” 

Now Aaron is the one stuck in the position of offering pointless sympathy. He dodges, instead saying, “So did you do something for Thanksgiving?” 

Alexander wrinkles his nose, an expression that Aaron struggles not to find cute, “Oh my god, I went to a co-worker’s family Thanksgiving.” 

Aaron is already laughing, “Big mistake.” 

Alexander is laughing too, “It was. Did you know that fluoride makes you gay?” 

“Ah, I knew my teeth were too good. There had to be a price,” Aaron says solemnly. 

Alexander’s gaze sharpens as if he’s inspecting Aaron’s teeth, so Aaron smiles brightly, showing them off. 

Alexander flushes and looks away, “Well it was an adventure.” 

“I bet. That’s why I never go to random Thanksgivings anymore, I’ve had too many adventures.” 

Aaron expects Alexander to ask about those, plenty of stories at the ready, but instead Alexander says, “But you didn’t go with…” he trails off puzzlingly. 

Aaron tilts his head, “Theo? She’s at the in-laws. Or Jon? He was off visiting the someday in-laws, and I love his family, but not without a Jon-shaped buffer.” 

Alexander looks lost, “Oh.” He pauses, then says in a rush, “I thought you and Jon were together?” 

Aaron’s stomach flips. Alexander thought he was with Jon. It’s not an uncommon mistake. But was this why he’d suddenly lost interest in Aaron? What if he could be convinced to be re-interested? “No, uh, we were until maybe...oh, almost seven years ago now.” 

“Oh,” Alexander says, “Oh.” 

Aaron isn’t sure what that means, but he goes on, “No, it was just me and Netflix this year.” 

Alexander is still watching him a little too intently for the light conversation they’re having, “Doesn’t sound bad compared to fluoride conspiracies.” 

Aaron nods, and then says, “I’m going to go get a drink, can I get you anything?” 

Alexander hesitates, “Sure, James knows my order.” 

Aaron nods, feeling a little off kilter. 

When he returns with the drinks, Alexander thanks him and then says, “You know, I was thinking, if the rest of our teams aren’t going to be here, why don’t we play together?” 

Aaron looks around the sparsely populated room, “No one else here will have a chance.” 

Alexander looks delighted, “So?”

There’s something about Alexander’s gaze that sends a thrill up Aaron’s spine, so he says, “We’ll have to come up with a name.” 

Alexander nods seriously, belying the smile that’s tugging at the corners of his mouth, “I was thinking we should go with either ‘The Dream Team,’ or the name of your favorite supergroup. Personally I was leaning towards ‘The Travelling Wilburys.’”

They have fun. Aaron knows that Alexander is smart, but it’s something else to see the way his mind works up close, the momentary unfocus when he’s searching for a piece of information and the snap back in as he remembers it. 

They tease each other about their handwriting, about the things they know and don’t know. Whatever spark that had been missing seems to be back, and at the end, when they’ve blown away everyone else and Thomas announces the winner with a note of resignation, Aaron doesn’t want it to end. 

He contemplates trying to get Alexander to stay for another round of drinks, but work is bright and early, the end of year rush competing with the holidays off. Instead Aaron says, “The Wilburys should keep in touch. Let me give you my number.” 

Alexander is all gratifying eagerness as he hands over his phone, and he texts Aaron back right away. 

They part on an uncertain note. Aaron is afraid Alexander will try to offer a handshake, will pull away again, so, before that can happen, Aaron goes in for a hug, which Alexander welcomes. 

Aaron tries not to linger, or to too obviously breathe in Alexander’s soft scent, shampoo, beer, and something personal. Aaron thinks he pulls off casual well enough, but maybe it’s just that Jon and Theo aren’t there to mock him. 

#

They text on and off over the next couple of weeks, but Aaron never quite works up the courage to do more than flirt. Aaron should just ask Alexander out, but every time he thinks of it, he remembers the months of Alexander’s disinterest or work distracts him. They’re slammed at the office, trying to get cases in order before the end of the year. From his texts Alexander seems equally busy, and when Aaron seems him on Sundays he looks tired. Despite the exhausted slump of his shoulders he brightens when he sees Aaron, which briefly gives Aaron courage, but that momentary courage always flickers out when Aaron tries to imagine asking him on a date, with all their friends subtly or not so subtly watching, and two Sundays have passed without Aaron mustering the courage to make a move. 

#

It’s been another long week, and the weekend can’t come fast enough, but unfortunately first Aaron has to make it through his firm’s Christmas party. Whoever was in charge this year wasn’t very enthusiastic or creative, because it’s just a Friday happy hour at a yuppie bar. They didn’t even get a reserved room and everyone is crushed around the bar, surrounded by what seems to be other offices-full of people doing the same thing. 

Aaron has done his due diligence, schmoozing with the bosses, and now he’s managed to snatch a seat at the bar. Seats are in high demand and he has no plans to give it up, even though it leaves him four places down from anyone he’d actually want to talk to. 

Angelica is holding court down there, apparently talking about one of their current cases with all the indefatigable energy that’s going to get her promoted before anyone else. She’s surrounded by the other go-getters, Aaron’s group most of the time, but now he’s adrift in a sea of the entitled. The guys that know that whatever they do Daddy’s name and money are going to get them where they’re going, and in consequence don’t do much at all. Now they’re talking about football, and Aaron is completely bored. 

He lets his gaze drift over the other people in the room, amusing himself by trying to pinpoint what type of work the other groups of people filling the bar do until he feels like he can leave without seeming unenthusiastic. He’s just decided a group that’s mostly women, all highly polished, are probably in real estate and moved over to a group of men who scream finance assholes. From the gestures the lead asshole is currently making, they’re discussing women, and not in a women’s rights kind of way. 

Aaron’s scan of the room hitches to a halt, because on the edge of the group, looking pained, is a familiar face. It’s Alexander, although Aaron almost didn’t recognize him without the glasses. He’s saying something dismissive to the lead asshole who only laughs, but when Alexander rolls his eyes and turns away he catches sight of Aaron. The annoyance leaves his face, washed away by a happy expression of recognition, and Aaron smiles back.

The asshole is saying something else to Alexander, but Alexander ignores him, gathering his suit jacket and walking straight over to Aaron. It takes him a minute to push through the crowd and Aaron watches him the whole time. Finally Alexander manages to make it to Aaron, pushed close by the jostling crowd, “Hey,” Alexander says, casual, like they planned to meet here. 

Aaron can’t help but smile again, maybe with too much fondness, “Hey.” 

Alexander looks more tired than ever, dark circles under his eyes, but he smiles brightly at Aaron as he says, “Come here often?” 

It feels like starting over, here in this unforgivably bright bar, the opposite of the dimly lit, ragged place they met. Here everything seems shiny and new, all the mixed drinks have at least one ingredient that no one likes, everything on the food menu is unsatisfyingly small and overpriced. It’s not a place for them, it’s a place for thin white women to have drinks with bland white men on their way to a shared condo and 1.5 children, but somehow none of that matters with Alexander almost standing between Aaron’s legs in the crush of the crowd. 

The place is different, but Alexander is different too. The glasses of course, replaced by contacts, but he’s also wearing the remains of what had at one point been a nice suit. Now he’s taken off the jacket, probably warm in the crowded bar, and loosened the tie. His shirt had probably been crisp at the beginning of the day, but now it’s crisscrossed with the wrinkles a day under the jacket had put in it. The sleeves, in particular, look as if they might have been rolled up at one point, now buttoned at the wrists again. Under the loosened tie, Alexander has unbuttoned just one button, but it’s enough to offer a tantalizing hint of bare throat. 

On the weekends Alexander doesn’t bother to shave, but today he’d clearly started the day with a face carefully clean around the facial hair, now stubble marks the hours that have passed since then. His hair was also clearly pulled back neatly, not like the sloppy knot he wears to trivia, but little wisps are starting to escape at the temples. 

And worst of all is the hint of whatever cologne Alexander is wearing. No doubt when he’d applied it in the morning it had some sort of bright distinct scent, but now it’s all burned away except for the vague musky undertones, which are mixing with Alexander’s own scent, and the sharp hint of sweat, the remains of the busy day that’s left Alexander’s shirt wrinkled, and circles under his eyes. 

It’s all so distracting that Aaron is delayed as he says, “No. No, I don’t come here often.” 

Alexander laughs a little breathlessly, “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” 

Someone jostles Alexander and he stumbles, a hand landing on Aaron’s thigh as he tries to right himself. Aaron’s breath catches, and Alexander pulls the hand back quickly, a blush rising in his cheeks. 

“Alexander…” Aaron finds himself saying, on the edge of asking something, but he’s not sure what. Maybe, recklessly, if Alexander wants to join him in the gaudy bathroom, have sex with him in its one stall that doesn’t even go all the way to the floor.

Before Aaron can do anything stupid, Alexander says, watching Aaron closely, “You know, I only live two blocks from here.” 

Aaron reaches out to Alexander, touching him just on the elbow, not enough, but what’s safe in this place, “I’d love to see it.” 

Something relaxes in Alexander’s expression, “Now?” 

Aaron runs a thumb along the inside of Alexander’s arm, pressing into the wrinkled sleeve, “Yes.” 

Alexander sways a little closer to Aaron and then seems to collect himself, “Okay, let me get my coat.” 

And just like that they leave, stopping only to collect their coats from the little coat check. While he shrugs it on, Aaron sees that his seat at the bar is already filled, and that a few of his co-workers are looking over at him. He supposes none of this is subtle, and a little too quick, especially if you didn’t know he already knew Alexander. Has it even been two minutes since Alexander caught sight of him? Aaron also supposes that without quite meaning to he’s just come out at work, but he wasn’t quite in either, so whatever. Fine. It was probably obvious from the moment he caught sight of Alexander anyway, longing probably written all over his face. It didn’t really matter what he did from that point on. 

Aaron leaves all of that behind as he steps out into the cold with Alexander. 

An awkward silence falls between them for half a block until finally Alexander asks, “Should I have at least bought you a drink first?”

Aaron laughs, “Worried your colleagues will think you’re easy?” 

Alexander smiles back, “Come on, I think it’s obvious that I picked you up, so if anything they’re going to think I’m extremely smooth.” 

“Sure, only because they don’t know that it actually took you the better part of a year.” 

“Hey!” Alexander says, “I thought you were dating someone else. I don’t do cheating.”

There’s something a little too serious about the last sentence, maybe guilty, but Aaron isn’t going to unpack that right now. Instead he says, “So instead you were pining.” 

He’s teasing, but Alexander darts a glance at him, still a little too serious, and says, “Maybe a little bit.” 

Aaron’s face feels hot despite the chill of the air, and he laughs a little more, “Well. Maybe me a little bit too.” 

Alexander smiles, and they fall into another silence, this one much more comfortable until they reach Alexander’s apartment building. 

Alexander’s apartment is nicer than Aaron expected. A little bit bigger, and actually decorated with some art on the walls rather than the blankness many guys their age have. 

Alexander himself seems slightly nervous once inside, a contrast to the the apparent slickness of his pick-up. He offers Aaron a drink, and Aaron asks for a water, taking off his coat, and then his suit jacket while he waits. 

They sit on the couch, Alexander sipping at his own glass of water, courage apparently failing him now that Aaron is here, so Aaron puts down his glass and says, “Can I kiss you?” 

Alexander nods, sets down his own glass, and slides close to Aaron. He meets Aaron halfway, a cautious, gentle press of lips. 

Aaron had started to worry that Alexander was too shy to make this good, but as they make contact Alexander seems to regain his confidence, kiss quickly becoming firmer and a hand coming up to cup Aaron’s face.

Alexander’s fingers inadvertently brush across the spot on Aaron’s neck that always makes him shiver and today is no exception. Alexander clearly notes it and his fingers return to the spot, trailing back and forth in a way that makes Aaron gasp slightly, mouth falling open, and the kiss turns wet and deep. 

Alexander is a good kisser, just as Aaron would have expected and time slips away in a series of kisses and touches. 

The more Aaron touches Alexander, hands feeling the breadth of his shoulders, the flex of his back, the rasp of his stubble, the more Aaron wants to touch Alexander. His kisses drift away from Alexander’s mouth, travelling down Alexander’s neck to where the soft scent of musky faded cologne, sweat, and Alexander is the strongest. There Aaron just breathes him in for a moment, before placing an open mouthed kiss, not quite enough to bruise. 

Alexander’s hands clutch at Aaron’s upper arms and he says low, “Aaron…” 

Aaron can feel the vibration of the word against his mouth. He drags his tongue back up Alexander’s neck, over the stubble and the line of his jaw. 

Alexander ducks his head, pressing their lips together in another kiss, and tugs at Aaron’s shirt, “Can this come off?” 

Aaron nods, leaning in for a one more quick kiss before pulling back and starting on his buttons. Alexander does the same, strips off his undershirt too, and then lets down his hair, already mussed out of its earlier neatness. Aaron takes a moment to slip off his shoes and socks. Shoes and shirts create a crumpled pile next to the couch. 

Alexander reaches over, running a hand over Aaron’s chest, “Beautiful.” 

Aaron pulls Alexander closer, kissing him and feeling the shivery scrape of the hair on his chest, the trail running down his stomach against Aaron’s own comparatively bare chest. 

Having Alexander that close is intoxicating, and the gentle arousal Aaron had felt at their kisses starts to bloom into something more desperate. Alexander seems to feel it too, his kisses growing more demanding and he presses Aaron further into the couch cushions until Aaron shifts over, letting himself fall back along the seat, Alexander landing on top of him. Alexander’s sudden weight pressing into him only adds to the drumbeat of arousal pounding through Aaron and he clutches Alexander closer, sliding one hand into his hair. 

Alexander settles against Aaron and he’s hard, pressing into Aaron’s hip. Aaron shifts, and then gasps as suddenly Alexander’s hardness is pressing alongside his own. Alexander moans into Aaron’s mouth, kiss slowing as he gets distracted by the way Aaron is undulating underneath him, chasing the insufficient friction. 

Alexander follow’s Aaron’s lead, thrusting back and for a moment they find a good rhythm, but there’s not enough room to work on the couch and the barrier of their clothes against sensitive skin keeps it from being truly satisfying. Aaron is torn between chasing what sensation he can get here, and finding a more fulfilling position, fingers pressing into Alexander’s back as he clutches Alexander tightly against himself. Alexander finally pauses, and says, short of breath, “Can we take this to the bedroom?” 

Aaron nods, and Alexander maneuvers himself up, nearly tripping over the shoe and shirt pile. Without Alexander covering him, it’s cold with no shirt, but even so, Aaron follows Alexander’s lead and strips out of his pants when they arrive at Alexander’s pleasingly large bed. 

Aaron admires Alexander’s bare form for only a second before pulling him onto the bed, seeking his warmth as much as anything else. Alexander kisses him, hands tracing the line of Aaron’s jaw, finding the sensitive spot on his neck again. 

He leans back, hair falling in messy locks over his face, “Let me blow you.” 

Aaron has no objections to that, and Alexander leans over to pull a condom out of the bedside table and in no time has expertly rolled it down Aaron’s cock and is following it with his mouth. He teases at first, no hands, too light, backing off just when it gets good, but when Aaron finally says, “Alexander, please,” thighs shaking with the need to come, Alexander quickly finds a rhythm that leaves Aaron gasping, hands clutching at the sheets, trying not to thrust into Alexander’s hot mouth. 

From there it only seems like a moment before Aaron is coming, and Alexander slides back for a kiss, Aaron licking the latex taste of the condom out of his mouth. When Aaron’s caught his breath he puts a hand on Alexander’s cock, a warm hardness pressing against his hip, “What would you like?” 

Alexander bites his lip, “Whatever you want.” 

Aaron strokes him once, twice, “How about you tell me, and I’ll let you know if I want it.” 

Alexander takes a shaky breath, and reaches up, pressing a thumb to Aaron’s lower lip. Aaron nods, and Alexander gathers another condom. 

It’s been awhile since Aaron’s done this. Not since the unsuccessful and short-lived relationships that followed Theo, but the mechanics of it are familiar. 

However out of practice Aaron might consider himself, Alexander has no complaints, and he’s quite vocal so Aaron feels pretty confident in that assessment. Alexander’s broken stream of profanity and praise, the way he keeps saying Aaron’s name, the way his thighs shake under Aaron’s hands, all of it sends little jolts of pleasure along Aaron’s spine. If he hadn’t just come, Aaron would be on the edge just watching Alexander fall apart in his mouth. When Alexander finally does come it’s nearly silent, a series of gasps, a sweet contrast to the chatter of a moment before, and afterward he’s still quiet, flushed and sweaty, smiling at Aaron who disposes of the condom and pulls the covers over them to ward off the chill. 

Alexander burrows into Aaron, and between one moment and the next he’s asleep. Aaron isn’t sure if he should stay, but Alexander is completely draped over him, it’s been a long week, and it’s cold outside so he lets himself drift off as well. 

#

When Aaron wakes up, it’s dark and he’s warm and comfortable. Alexander is pressed into his back, and the slow, steady sound of his breathing says he’s sound asleep. Part of Aaron is ready to just slip back asleep, but another part of him can’t help wondering if he’s supposed to be sneaking out. 

The thing is, it was great, but they didn’t talk at all. Aaron isn’t really sure what Alexander wanted from this, if he wanted a single night or if he wanted something more. If he only wanted that one encounter maybe it would be easier to leave now, not to wait for morning and the inevitable, awkward dawn discussion. 

But if Aaron sneaks out, he has no way of knowing. If he sneaks out, Alexander might think that’s what Aaron wants, and it’s not. Aaron wants to have a slow breakfast and then a real date, with the meal before the sex. He wants to see if they can talk outside of bars, if they fit as well as he thinks they might. He wants someone to spend Thanksgiving with, and he wants to find out if Alexander is that person. 

He didn’t ask Alexander out, he was too timid to do that, but surely it’s within the limits of his bravery to stay here tonight, to make Alexander tell him if this is all he wants. 

Mind made up, Aaron lets his eyes drift shut again, he can figure this out in the morning, he can at least find out what Alexander wants and not assume. 

#

When Aaron wakes again it’s late enough that the sun is up, cool winter light slipping past Alexander’s blinds. Alexander himself is already awake, although only recently according to the pillow creases on his face. 

He’s looking at Aaron, and he smiles sleepily when Aaron looks back, “Hey, you want to go get some breakfast? I’d offer to cook, but I’m pretty sure I have nothing but protein bars and mustard.” 

Relief fills Aaron and he smiles back, “I’d love to.” 

Alexander’s smile brightens, a hint of relief there too. “Awesome,” he says, and Aaron can almost see a new and welcome path opening in front of him. 

#

The next year, the Christmas party at Aaron’s office is a more formal affair. Angelica had taken over planning and rented them a room and a bartender. The catering is pretty decent, and the budget is large enough that they’ve been invited to bring partners and spouses. Alexander is at his most charming, Aaron can almost feel his chance of promotion going up after each person they talk to. 

After the bigwigs are thoroughly flattered, they drift back to the group of less senior lawyers. Alexander’s charm serves him here too, although he manages to get into a debate that threatens to turn heated with Lee, but Aaron whisks him away to talk to Angelica before it gets too bad. 

Angelica is taking a brief break from monitoring the party for signs of disaster. It’s probably due to her split attention that it takes her even a few seconds, but after introductions she narrows her eyes, “Aren’t you the guy that picked Aaron up in like a minute at the last Christmas party?” 

Alexander smirks, confirmation enough, and Aaron sighs because he’s been explaining this for a year and is beginning to suspect that he might be explaining it for the rest of his life, “We already knew each other.” 

Angelica pats Aaron’s hand condescendingly, “It’s fine. If you see something you like, you go for it. Own it.”

Aaron sighs again, and Alexander just smirks harder. 

#

Trivia that weekend is sparsely attended, all of the students already home on break, but Jon and Theo are there, and Hercules on Alexander’s team. 

Aaron and Alexander still play against each other on separate teams, partially because it’s fun and partially because Alexander insists that Aaron’s team is cursed, “If I join, we’ll break up. Sure it will be amicable, but who wants to take the risk?” 

Aaron had just rolled his eyes and kissed Alexander. They have too many people for a single team anyway. Maybe someday they’ll be like the middle aged couple that always plays together, but for now, why ruin something that’s working just fine? 

This week, with the students cleared out, it’s just locals and Thomas has anticipated the crowd with rounds all thematically tied to the city. It’s probably the local politics round that puts Alexander and Hercules over the top. 

Alexander and Hercules crow over the win and collect their prize, and they all head out in a pack, only splitting off as they find their various cars. Alexander slings a casual arm over Aaron’s shoulders as they walk. 

In the car, Aaron sneaks a kiss before beginning the drive toward what has recently become their apartment. 

Despite losing, Aaron feels like he does every week - like he’s won the best prize of all.


End file.
